The Bakit List - July

Counting the planes that passes by this piece of the sky

DISCONNECT.

I'm not sure if I already mentioned one of my favourite things to do when I was younger - watching the night sky through the window.

I was supposed to have a one week mandatory leave from office this month. I don't have any plans of taking the ML (Mandatory Leave) this month but due to some uncertainties in our work project I was asked to take the ML. So I immediately surfed the net about workshops and short courses/classes that I can take just to make the week productive and nourishing as well. I thought of attending a short story writing and calligraphy class. It is one of my dreams to be part of somebody else's shelf and I thought attending a short story-writing class is one way to achieve that dream. I thought of learning calligraphy because I heard this skill can make you earn good amount of money. Doing what you like and earning isn't a bad idea after all. 

So everything is in place.

Short Story Writing Class

Calligraphy Class

Driving Lessons

Understanding Stock Market 

I was excited to do all these. I am excited to take my mandatory leave.

But due to another uncertainties (yes, again), I was asked to retract my mandatory leave. I perfectly understand the demands of the project. So with a heavy heart, I said goodbye to these plans. Sigh.

While feeling the disappointment of these kinds of lemons life has given me, I chose to disconnect.

I just laid down with my back flat on the floor and looked at the piece of the gloomy sky. I put my phone and my laptop away. Did not care about the messages coming in. I just wanted to stay there. Counting the planes that passes by that piece of sky.

Suddenly all the things feels familiar.

I'm not disappointed anymore. I just loved being there alone in silence, staring out the glass door. Nakahiga lang ako dun maghapon and I feel very much okay. I can actually do that the whole day. 

I was expecting that I'll have a hard time going to work the following Monday because I'm supposed to be doing something else. That's me. If some things did not go according to my plan I really have a hard time going back on track. I can say I'm still functional but I am pissed that easy. But surprisingly I'm not. I can actually joke about the 'mailap' na bakasyon.

So I've learned to disconnect, to just clear your thoughts. At the end of the day, it will be the decisions that we are making that actually bombarded us that we should keep on going even sometimes we just need to stop. Labo ba? hahaha

Anyways, July should have been the month I took a vacation and learnt something that would have let me have my first step towards one of my dreams. But July actually have forced me one way or another to pause for a while and breathe.

Sure sooner or later, the project will be demanding and it may get us all out of our wits. I may have to ask myself to disconnect for a while.

Why don't we just stop and smell the flowers? :)

The Bakit List - June

Why we don't need to ask "Bakit?" sometimes...

My original idea to post for the month of June is about the little projects that I have set for myself that concerns finances, a possible income while doing what we love. I have been discussing with my dear block mates, with a dear friend and with my dear sisters about my business ideas and my proposals. I also would like to include of my adventures in stocks/trading. It would be about "Why Not Learn to Risk Something out of your Comfort Zone."

But not today.

Today is about not asking Why or Why Not. I don't want to write about another What-Ifs that I have. 

I just would like to write about the two little girls who touched me and thought me not to question anything. They are my angels.

June 2013 when I met Zoe, my niece. 

Since the day that she came to our lives, I have a renewed energy that I wanted to be well and be the best Tito that she will ever have. Now that she is a bright and healthy three-year old toddler, I enjoyed talking to her and her innocent response makes me want to be better everyday. I want to do all the right things so I can be the adult that I once thought I needed when I was young. She is always in my prayer and all I wanted for her is to be the best person that she can be. Her cute little voice that calls me "Tolek" makes my heart smile. She is the gift that the family really needed. The day that she came, it is as if there's a new string that binds us all again. 

She had a health problem during her early days. I remember her coming home finally to our house in Pasig only to rush her again to the hospital because she had fever. She was just 4 days old back then.   Thankfully she survived every needles and she was able to kick the sickness' butt and out of her system. She is a warrior and a living angel and the love of our lives. She is our daily dose of happiness.

June 2016, I met another baby. A beautiful chinita baby with a large bough in her head and cute matching fancy dress. Like any other baby, her innocent smiles captures me that I talk about her cuteness to my sisters. But for some reasons, this baby took her first steps towards heaven.

The moment I got the message of her passing I felt heartbroken. I asked how could life be that short. I thought about the parents, I was assuming that they might have a lot of questions that nobody can answer. But when I saw them, their love to their first born is all over the room, it is overwhelming. You can see the sadness yet all the love is there. There might be some questions but what I saw was a complete surrender to our creator. It made me realise that sometimes we need not to ask of his plans and just trust him. I've heard about this all the time but I never understood. But in her wake, I was able to say those words to myself - I understood.

 

And all I want to say is that it was June when I met an angel. I met an angel one summer...