Hi 15-year old Lek!
Today marks your 30th.
I remember your exercise in school way way back. You wrote about me on a sheet of paper, perceiving me, perceiving you at 30. Well, I'm finally here and I've got news for you, but take a good grip I might blew you away because of this. And as you've always known, some news are good and some are bad.
I remember your imaginings of the 30 year old you with a wife and a child. Strolling at the park and being the best dad that you can be. Hold tight younger Lek, that time haven't arrived. Yes, you are 30 now but without someone to have and to hold, wifeless, childless and the excruciating fact is - loveless.
But it's okay younger Lek, I am thinking, maybe sooner we'll see that this can still be done. Perhaps with some delays but hell yeah, I believe we can settle this part.
Did I just drop the bomb? Sorry younger Lek, but let me tell you what happened after you wrote that piece. Well, you graduated from high school, (you were the 2nd highest achiever in your section), torn with the course you wanted to take. You thought you can study arts and engineering at the same time, but you just cannot make it. I think that was the first grown-up decision you have made. You've weighed your chances on making it big in life. But you were almost fell heartbroken when you received the letter from the university saying that you were on a waiting list. They gave you the option but you did not consider any. Should you have waited, it might have been a different story. But then again, you believed you knew better. You forgot about the arts and took engineering. It's okay younger Lek, it's one thing I've learned from you, when you have decided there's no point of looking back but to make the most out of it.
Your college life has been awesome in a sense of collegiate fulfillment and in a sense of growing up. Growing up towards maturity with the people you have met there and became your best buddies up to now. You have fell in and out of love a number of times but you really were focused to making it big. You were so afraid of responsibilities, of relationships, of bearing the changes they could bring. A cowardly teener you were. All you knew was how to have fun, day in and day out. You've graduated college, maybe just like any ordinary student but you were able to maintain your spot in the top class. You attended review school after that and there were a lot of these-and-thats happened in between review school and getting your license as a Certified Electronics and Communications Engineer.
Your license and your college life does not prepare you of the harshness of the real world, my dear.
I remember you in your sit 15-yr old Lek, thinking that you can be paid big time because of your creative ideas. You looked around your classroom wall and see some of your works there. But the sour truth is, your first pay comes from pressing the buttons, recording the idle/dead air time, making computations for a broadcasting company. You did not liked any of it. You then transferred to an electronics company in the nearby province. Yes, you were able to apply what you have studied and your license as well but still you were not satisfied.
Then, you had a health scare. You knew you are not that well but you did not bother to look after yourself and took good care of it. And the scariest thing of all is that you were not allowed to work for a time. You've been busy since you have started schooling until that time. And just for a blink of an eye, you need to have rest and regain your strength. Then you have a lot of time with yourself. You thought you've figured it out. And I am glad to tell you that you were very satisfied with the industry you were now in. It was not an easy decision to have a career transfer but you were able to pulled it through.
I also remember you younger Lek writing about having your own place in an upscale town and driving your own luxury car. Those, are yet to come. Yes little Lek, you don't have any. Well to make it easier for you to take in, I can promise you this will come true sooner. Maybe not in the most upscale town in the metro and unfortunately not a luxury car, but just a car.
You have lost your appetite for arts for a time, one sad truth. The only connection between you and the arts are your fiction books. You have a roster of your favorite writers, painting the stories inside your head. That was your escape. But now, you are back, you have now the time to take your pens and just sketch. You are now have the extra to buy tickets for live performances. And at times, you managed it to be seated right in the very front. I was able to serve you on this kind of hunger.
I also remember you looking at the world map. Thinking of flying from Rome to Romania, walking every streets in Madrid and Barcelona. Passing through the Silk Road, climbing the mountains of Peru, biking around the eiffel tower and just sitting idly in the shores of Santorini. You've never been into those places. But you were able to travel places inside your country. You always loved the beach and you were able to swim and explore the best beaches here. Younger Lek, If I could just tell you that what makes your trips memorable isn't the place. It is really the people you are with. I can prove you that.
Well, these are some of what happened. I am sorry I have failed you. You did not become the hotshot you wanted to be or you have perceived yourself to be at 30. You did not grow up like that bachelors in the front page of the magazine. You do have abs but your fat protection program really takes care of it. They're doing a good job in fact. None of your imaginations of me fifteen years back did come true. But I can tell you that it is not because it is your fate. It was because of the choices you have made. The years are worthwhile, younger Lek. The years made you stronger. Each day of your life, you've become smarter. You learned to adapt to your surroundings. Making the very best out of it. Life isn't perfect younger Lek, it is just beautiful and you just have to live it right.
There's one thing we still have in common, we both are dreamers.
But this time, I dream with my eyes opened. The dream that comes at night were my inspiration. The dreams that we have dreamed will always be a snippet of me. I know I need not to dream what we've dreamed of. I think I finally found the keys that will open the doors to the dreamland. And at the moment I'll close that door, it would be our reality.
Lovelots,
Lek